Feast or famine defines my love life, my career and my personal life.
Two weekends ago, I had six men calling, texting, emailing. (I wonder if the full moon had anything to do with that?) I went out with three of them in four days.
The third fella, Nature Boy, caught me. Without even trying, just by being himself, he caught me.
Sitting next to him on an outdoor patio stool, listening to open mic night with some of my favorite local musicians, I felt as contented as a housecat curled up by the hearth after chasing mice all day.
Three more dates in a week, and then poof – like Houdini’s assistant, he’s gone.
I haven’t felt that kind of a connection since Coach. I don’t know if it’s pheromones or body chemistry or just plain magnetism. Whatever it is, I’ve only felt it twice in my life.
It made me realize how much time I’m spending with men just because they’re there. I’m attracted to some of them. I appreciate the writing material they give me.
But I don’t feel like curling up on the couch with them and talking for hours. I don’t feel the urge to reach out and slide my thumb down their arm just because they’re close enough to touch. I don’t let them talk me into telling them about my marriage. I don’t show them my heart.
Since Coach, I’ve kept my heart safely hidden from the men I date. They can’t hurt what they can’t touch.
I’ve only gone out with men who are clearly designated for Team A, Team Available. I’ve avoided Team Boyfriend material completely.
I show them who I want them to see. Not who I really am.
When a Team A walks away, there may be a little disappointment. But there isn’t heartbreak. There isn’t devastation.
Every once in a while, a Team B shows up disguised as a Team A. And when he disappears, it hurts. Just a little, but the sting is there.
Once we had that first date, I ignored all the other Team As. At the heart of it, I’m a one-man woman. I can date a dozen Team As without remorse, but when I find a Team B, when I feel that connection, I don’t want to be with anyone else.
Nature Boy stuck around just long enough to throw me off balance. Just long enough to remind me how much I want to be with someone special. How much I want to be special to someone.
Long enough to help me finish getting over Coach.
Thankfully, he didn’t stick around long enough to break my heart.
And now he’s gone. So, I’ve come half circle from feast to famine again.
I know it’ll come back around again. Life is cyclical. What I don’t know is whether or not I will be content with a new batch of Team As to entertain me while I wait on a Team B.