“To lose balance sometimes for love is part of living a balanced life.”
Elizabeth Gilbert, Eat, Pray, Love
Twenty twelve is my year of balance. At least it was until this past week. Seven months after my last fall, I fell again this weekend.
I wish, like Elizabeth Gilbert, I could say that I lost balance for love. I don’t love any of the men I’ve dated this year. None of them since Coach, anyway.
I enjoy spending time with them. Listening to Tri-Guy tell me about his latest triathlon, which in retrospect may be me. (Three dates and crickets chirping sounds a little like a triathlon, doesn’t it?)
I enjoy the peaceful, easy feeling I get sitting on the back patio, listening to Lady Antebellum sing, watching the sun set over the back fence, while Nature Boy tells me about his day. I’ve never spent time with anyone who makes me feel that relaxed. I don’t know how our story ends. But I know it isn’t finished yet.
The other guys range from eh to nice but none of them rise to the level of love.
So, if it isn’t love that’s making me lose my balance, what is?
The feast or famine business I’m in? I’m happy to be in the feast phase still. Happy and tired from working too many hours the last three months. Business is definitely a frontrunner of my balance-stealing suspects.
Stress and Anxiety are running amok like evil twins. Silent ninjas stealing my equilibrium. I stood in the woods at the National Whitewater Center Saturday. Instead of enjoying the peaceful feeling I normally experience surrounded by nature, all I felt was tight-chested anxiety. I worried so much about falling down the hill, I didn’t enjoy the walk to the river. Worried so much, I fell right as I got to the bottom of the hill.
I’ve been worried about my balance all week. Worried about being too tired, too stressed, too anxious. When I ended up flat on my butt, I wasn’t even surprised. I didn’t spend any time trying to figure out how I fell. The how isn’t relevant. Balance is everything. I just worked on getting back on my feet and cleaning up the aftermath.
Too much work, too many men, too much to do. No wonder I went ass over teakettle again.
Time to pull back. Find more help for the office. Spend some time running, practicing yoga, meditating. Sleeping. Maybe putting some of the men on the back-burner. Maybe all of them.
Or maybe not.
Question: What do you do when you lose your balance? Where do you find it?