“Expose yourself to your deepest fear; after that, fear has no power, and the fear of freedom shrinks and vanishes. You are free.”
I’ve never considered myself to be brave. But I’ve had an epiphany this week. I am brave. Brave enough to risk my heart. Over and over again.
When I meet someone I feel a connection with, whatever you want to call that connection, I risk my heart. Willingly. Gladly.
Sometimes, like with Coach, that connection makes sense. Coach has a master’s degree. He’s a nationally known strength and conditioning coach. Respected by his peers. He’s smart and educated, an optimistic people-person. On the surface, he was a perfect match for me.
Sometimes, like with Nature Boy, that connection makes no sense at all. Educationally and professionally, Nature Boy and I are on completely different levels. I’m a tried-and-true Type A. He’s more Type Hawaii. I plan my life five years in advance. I’m not even sure he plans his life five hours in advance. But the connection I felt when I was with him was so strong, I didn’t care about any of those things.
As opposite as they are, the one thing they have in common is the connection I felt when I was with them.
It is easier to go out with people I have no connection to. You aren’t risking anything when you don’t care. Your heart is safe when it has no connection to the person you’re seeing.
Maybe because my heart was thoroughly shattered when my marriage collapsed, I can’t imagine any other relationship destroying me. I faced soul-crushing heartache. And I came out on the other side. Stronger and braver than I ever imagined I could be.
I love. Freely. Easily. Without reservation. That quality attracts people to me. Children sense the unconditional love that flows through my heart to theirs. They know I love them just the way they are.
Unfortunately, men sense that same quality and run away. Nature Boy ran away, rather than acknowledging his feelings for me. Rather than letting my heart heal his.
I don’t blame him. He’s been hurt and doesn’t want to be hurt again. His choice is to play it safe. Protect his heart. I might have made that same choice once upon a time, a long time ago.
I can’t play it safe anymore. I would rather have a few months of something special than years of nothing special. Even if that means I might get hurt. Hurt doesn’t last forever. Beautiful memories do.
One day, my heart will find my soul mate. He’ll be brave enough to risk loving me back. My unconditional love will be met with unconditional love. We will have a connection that lasts for an eternity.
Until then, I am brave enough to put myself out there, put my heart out there, as many times as it takes to find him.