adventures in dating (or here comes the rubber band man)


men are from mars women are from venus

I’ve been reading Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus by John Gray, Ph.D.  For some reason, reading Gray’s theories about men and women make me as prickly as a porcupine.  Men are strong, silent types who have to solve their own problems. Women are clingy, drama queens who just need to sit in your lap for a few minutes to make their problems go away.  Seriously?

The only chapter that makes sense to me is the chapter about men being like rubber bands.  They get close to a woman, realize the level of intimacy is too strong for their comfort, and then run as far away as their rubber band will allow.

If we women do not chase after them (with phone calls, texts, emails), eventually, they will realize they miss us and bounce back to us with even stronger feelings than they had before.

I don’t know if that is true or not.  But I do know one night, Nature Boy told me he could live the rest of his life on air and my touch. Then the next morning, he yelled a lot, ran down the stairs, jumped over the doggy gate and got bitten by my sweet Rocky dog, never to be seen again.

I tried calling him after that, tried to figure out what went wrong, tried to assure him I didn’t want more than he was willing to give.

Then, I gave up.

A couple of weeks passed, then the text.  Have a great day.

Then a few days later, a phone call.  Hey, what are you up to?

About a week later, a phone call about his computer freezing up.  He doesn’t know what to do.  “Bring it to me,” I say.  “I’ll fix it.”

Do you ever wonder, when you haven’t seen someone in a while, if you were missing them, or just missing being with someone?

I was missing him. 

Do you ever wonder, if you come back together again, will it still be as comfortable? As peaceful?  As exciting?

It was.

We spent the evening together, downloading anti-virus programs, updating his security settings, basic computer fixes.  Went out for sushi while we waited on updates.  Laughed and talked about anything and everything.

When he kissed me at the end of the night, it was like that first kiss all over again.

Boing.  Rubber band man is back.

Another week passed, with calls (from him to me, not vice versa), and another meeting to give his computer back.

And now he’s MIA again.  Guess he’s trying to outrun the rubber band again.

Question:  Have you read Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus?  What’s your take on Gray’s theories?

17 thoughts on “adventures in dating (or here comes the rubber band man)

    • It sure explains why every time I feel like a man is drawing closer to me, he then disappears for a period. Days, weeks, sometimes months. And then he pops back in, and expects me to still be as open to him.

      I’ve noticed the same thing happening to my single girlfriends, too!

  1. If you exhibit the behavior that it’s okay for him to come and go as he pleases in your life, he will take advantage of you for that. He you want a relationship with him, you need to tell him that. If you’re okay with him coming and going, that’s what he will continue to do.

    • No, not harsh. But I think you’re saying Gray’s theory about men being rubber bands is just an excuse for men to come and go as they please, taking what they want and not staying around long enough to give anything back?

      Dating seemed a lot simpler at 19! 🙂

  2. I completely agree about “Men are from Mars.” It seems to me to be one big long excuse for men to behave badly and for women to be patient with their behaviour. Though I see where he’s coming from with the rubber band idea, it makes me particularly cranky. As for Nature Boy, let him go. You, my friend, deserve someone who you can rely on.

    • You are right – I do deserve someone I can rely on. And am better off alone than waiting around on someone who shows up only when it suits him. Rubber band be damned! 🙂

  3. men are like rubberbands. they stretch themselves out away from the ones they know will always be there when they get back so they can try to attatch to someone else. if he is coming back in spurts, and continues to leave when it suits him, that means he is using your affections to serve his temporary needs. although it hurts to let the people we care about go, if he doesnt feel exactly the same as you it is not worth the heartache to continue the cycle of him reentering your life and leaving again. you are worth so much more than he has to give. i say it is TIME TO CUT THE RUBBER BAND!) move on and find someone who will love to spend his time with you. love you.

  4. Pingback: my balanced life (or 95 days of movement) | my balanced life

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