I am Lot’s wife.
Frozen in place. A pillar of salt.
Eye on the past, no thought for the future.
I haven’t written a word since my last post on my beautiful friend, Carrie. Afraid to write, afraid to think or feel.
Afraid to lose my friend.
Not the kind of loss that can be overcome by a long talk and a foot soak over a favorite pastry from The Corner Perk.
My sweet friend who taught me how to listen to my body. How to walk into a room full of stretchy-bendy yoginis and just do my best. Not compare myself to their best.
My sweet friend who taught me how to recognize peace. How to walk away from the toxicity in my life.
My friend who taught me as much about bravery as any sheepdog I know.
I keep looking back to when the studio was open. My safe haven from the ugliness and pain in my life.
Always looking back. Frozen in place, my own little pillar of salt.
After spending the evening with her, I realize the fear is mine. The despair is ours. She’s made her peace and is ready to move on. It’s those of us who will be left behind who struggle and despair.
Holding my breath, holding my words, won’t change the outcome.
Maybe breathing again, sharing my pain, will provide the salve my soul needs to keep going forward.
Maybe sitting next to her, absorbing her peace, will crack away at my pillar of salt. Allow me to break free and face forward again.
I love you, my friend.
I’ll miss you. Always.
See you on the other side.