Tag Archive | Coach

My balanced life (or everything happens the way it’s meant to happen)

 Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forward.  Soren Kierkegaard

I had dinner with Sweetness and three of her girlfriends in Charleston this week.  Smart, beautiful girls with their whole lives in front of them.

As we sat at the bar waiting on our table, one of the girls told me she’s graduating in November.  The worst possible month to try to find a new job.

I assured her everything happens the way it’s supposed to happen.

That doesn’t mean we understand why things happen the way they do.

It doesn’t mean things happen the way we want them to, necessarily.

But they do happen the way they’re supposed to happen.

When I graduated from law school twenty years ago, I was pregnant with Sweetness.  She is one of those babies who was planned for, tried for and given up on.  Then she came along, in her own sweet time.

The plans her daddy and I made for our lives changed the instant the doctor said, “I know why you’ve been so sick.  You’re pregnant.”

Plans to move from Camp Pendleton to Florida to take the bar exam and find a job.  Plans for her daddy to get out of the Marine Corps and go to school full time.  Plans to buy a Miata because if I couldn’t have a baby, I should at least get a convertible.

Morning-noon-and-night sickness made studying for a bar exam impossible.

A new baby on the way convinced her daddy to stay in the Marine Corps.  I don’t remember having a vote in that decision, but twenty years later, I know it was the right one.

A two-year hiatus between graduation to my first job as an attorney.  Two years of explaining to people, yes, I’m a lawyer.  I graduated from law school.  I just can’t practice law in this (or any other) state until I take the bar exam.

Looking back, the time I spent at home with Sweetness was the best time of my life.

I look around my life now, my big, wonderful, glorious life filled with love and laughter, and I know I wouldn’t have this life if Sweetness hadn’t come along exactly when she did.

That other life, the one we planned out so carefully, probably would have been a nice life, too.  But I wouldn’t trade it for this life for a second.

Having the opportunity to tell this sweet girl not to worry, things happen the way they’re supposed to, is an opportunity to remind myself as well.

I was married for twenty-three years because that’s the way it was supposed to happen.  I don’t know why, but I know that’s true.

I left my marriage after twenty-three years because that’s the way it was supposed to happen.

Coach came into and out of my life in less than six months.  Lessons learned.  Purpose fulfilled.

Life is a giant puzzle.  Thousands of pieces fit together to make the whole.  Any given piece may make no sense.  It’s only when we fit the pieces together that we see how everything works together to give you the life you have.

Kierkegaard said, “Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forward.”  Looking back twenty years, I understand clearly how things worked out to give me the life I have today.

Question:  Do you believe things happen the way they are meant to happen? 

adventures in dating (or my heart opener)

yoga fish pose on beach

yoga fish pose

It’s been over a year since I started dating Coach.  I’ve been thinking about those days a lot lately.  Remembering how afraid I was.  Afraid of being hurt.  Afraid of trusting the wrong man.  Afraid of loving again.

I read Holly Sidell’s article, He’s Not The One, around that time.  Told myself Coach isn’t the one.  He isn’t the one. He. Isn’t. The. One.

The mantra did nothing to stop me from falling for him.

I remember trying to relax enough to enjoy the little time I had with him.  He lived an hour away, and traveled three weekends out of four.  For speaking engagements.  Trips to Colorado to see his boys.

Actually, being with Coach was always easy.  The doubts only crept in when he was gone.  Which was most of the time.

I didn’t realize how hard I was fighting to keep my heart protected.

About a month after we started dating, I was in yoga class.  It was a chest opening class.

The first pose was supported fish pose.  Lying on our backs, a block under the back of our head and a second block under our upper back, chest extended up to the ceiling.  There is no way to lie in a fish pose without exposing your heart.  Literally and figuratively.

Not an easy pose for someone who’d spent the last month trying to hide her heart.

As I lay in supported fish pose that morning, I felt a physical and spiritual ache as my heart opened up.  Tears slid out of the corners of my eyes into my hairline.

I struggled through that entire class.  The supported fish pose was just the first in a string of chest opening poses.

In trying to protect my spiritual heart, my body automatically curved in, protecting my physical heart.

Chest openers provide the physical opening, exposing the spiritual heart to the light as well.

Self-knowledge comes slowly to me.  Slowly and usually painfully.

It took a few more classes before I put all the pieces together.  Lying in another supported fish pose, in another class, I thought my way through what my heart was trying to tell me.

I could relax and enjoy my time with Coach.  Risk my heart. Trust myself to survive if it didn’t work out.

Or I could continue to make myself miserable with worry, afraid of a heartache that may never come, and never allowing myself to enjoy time with a smart, funny man.

In the end, Coach was not my life mate, the one I’m destined to spend the rest of my life with.

But he was an important step in my development.  Dating him taught me many things.  Things like trusting my gut, that still small voice that speaks to each of us. Whether we choose to listen to it or not.

The most important lesson, that I can fall in love and survive.  I am strong.  I am resilient.

I can choose love.  Because I know if it doesn’t work out, I’ll still be okay.

What do you choose?

adventures in dating (or no adventures, no dating)

Everyone's in a relationship and I'm just sitting here like "....I love my dog."

My lungs are still leading a revolution.  Each day, I accomplish the bare minimum required to sustain work and life.  Thank goodness The Genius is 16 and self-sufficient!

I’m spending the majority of my time lying in bed doing my impersonation of Doc Holliday in Tombstone.

Cough. Cough. Cough.

Val Kilmer did a much better job of it than I am!

Seems like as good a time as any to update my dating site profiles.  New pictures, new descriptions, new batch of potential dates.

I haven’t met anyone new on the dating sites since I started dating Nature Boy.  My last first date was someone I’ve known for years.  Somehow dating someone from a dating site is less pressure – if it doesn’t work out, you never see him again.  No harm.  No foul.

I remind myself that’s how I met Coach, who I dated for four months. Coach who catches better than any man I’ve ever dated.  Coach who has started texting again.  From Colorado.

You are still so very pretty girl.

Somehow when he says it, I believe it.

Take note, Universe:  I’m ready for another beau.  One who makes me feel the good things I felt with Coach and Nature Boy.  And maybe some good things I haven’t felt yet.

Just as soon as I can get through a sentence without coughing on one.

adventures in dating (or be careful who you text)

Ah the joys of texting!  Instant communication.  No rewind button!  I’m sure all of us have texted the wrong person at least once.  I know I have!

woman texting on blackberry

One Saturday morning after yoga, I was multi-tasking.  Making a fried egg and hash brown breakfast and texting my best friend in Colorado on my Blackberry.  Because the Blackberry limits the number of characters each text could contain, and I am very wordy, I had to keep going back to her text and replying to continue my story.

Her husband is a very focused guy Monday through Thursday night.  Come Friday, his focus shifts from work to his sweet, sexy wife.

My text to my friend start out by saying I thought my new guy might be a lot like her husband.  Last weekend, he was very attentive.  Lots of texting while he was out of town on a business trip.  A couple of phone calls, too.

When it was time to send the second half of the text, I scrolled down, hit reply and typed, “I thought he was losing interest this week, but he sure seemed interested enough last night!”

I finished up my breakfast as I waited for her reply.  As I was sitting down at the breakfast table, I checked my phone to make sure the message had sent.

It sent alright.  Much to my everlasting chagrin, it didn’t go to my girlfriend. I sent it to the new guy as a reply to the last text he’d sent to me.

My immediate response was to delete the text from my phone.  As if that would make it disappear from his phone, too.  If only life were that easy!

After banging my head on the table for a minute or two, I grabbed the bull by the horn. (Like any good Texas girl will do.)

“Hey, Coach.  Talking about you again.”

His immediate response confirmed that he had indeed read my text, and was probably trying to figure out how to respond to me.

“You’re busted, counselor.”

“I am indeed.  Gonna go slap myself silly now.”

After a little more witty banter, we ended up going for our second date that night.  Thank goodness I’d already confessed my penchant for talking about him to my girlfriends, and he has a great sense of humor.

Question:  What’s the worst texting mistake you’ve ever made?

twenty twelve: my year of balance

Balancing stones tipping over

It started last summer when I went on a date with a handsome, funny man I call Coach. On our first date, we had so much fun talking and laughing during dinner that we decided to extend the date by walking down a few blocks to the river.

On the way back to our cars, I stepped off the crumbling sidewalk just enough in my too-high-for-klutzy-me wedges to throw me off balance. Halfway to the ground, the most amazing thing happened – Coach caught me! (Nobody has ever caught me before!) After making sure I was okay, (a conversation that went something like this: “Are you ok?” “Yes!” “Are you sure? You were screaming.” “Right, because it hurts when you fall. I know. I fall a lot!”), he immediately segued into humor. (“You know, women usually fall for me. But not on the first date.”)

There’s something to be said for a fella whose reflexes are fast enough to catch a moving target, strong enough to stop her mid-fall, and funny enough to erase her embarrassment and make her laugh!

Over the course of the next few months, I fell a little in love with The Coach. And over the course of the next few months, I fell three more times. The last fall came about a week after Coach decided we shouldn’t see each other anymore.

2012 on balanced stonesAt my next visit with my brilliantly gifted acupuncturist, Dr. Rahmie Valentine, she reminded me that sometimes things happen because God or the universe is trying to get your attention. As I tried to explain how each of the falls occurred, she gently pointed out the how didn’t really matter. Falling is the message.


I haven’t fallen since that insightful visit to Rahmie. I have, however, gone on two cruises, visited the Arch and Jesuit Hall at St. Louis University (SLU to the natives) in St. Louis on business, dated a few smart, funny men, gone sailing for the first time and started this blog (and it’s only February!).

Twenty twelve is my year of balance.

Question: How do you find balance in your life? How do you realize when you aren’t balanced? How is God speaking to you?