Twenty twelve has been my year to learn how to be single again. I have been on more dates this year than during the entirety of my pre-marital dating life.
Last year, I read an article by Holly Sidell, He’s Not The One. Her concept? That you should approach every man you date as if he is not “THE ONE.” I remember at the time feeling a little angry and discouraged by her take on dating.
Right after reading her article, I met and started dating Coach. In spite of all my self-pep-talks that he was NOT THE ONE, I still managed to fall for him. Literally and figuratively.
By the time I embarked on my New Year’s Eve cruise with my darling friends, Mark and Geoff, I found my own approach to dating.
Every man you date probably isn’t going to be happily ever after.
Thinking about each man as a potential love match leads to a lot of disappointment, tears and frustration.
But thinking about each man as NOT THE ONE was, frankly, just as disappointing and frustrating.
On the cruise, I told Mark and Geoff that I was going to start sorting men into two teams.
Team A is Team Available. I enjoy spending time with these men. But for any number of possible reasons, they are not appropriate for the position of THE ONE. When we are both available, we have drinks, watch a movie, spend time together. When either or both of us aren’t available, we don’t. No harm. No foul. No hurt feelings, disappointment or tears.
Team B is Team Boyfriend. These are the men I feel a connection with or am drawn to for something more than just casual dates. They have substance. They are smart and funny. They are the ones I can imagine blending lives with, waking up next to for days, months or years.
We had a great deal of fun the rest of the cruise pointing at different men and mouthing, “Team A” or “Team B”.
Team A? The young hardbodies. And sometimes, just for fun, the middle-aged, shlumpy, overweight men, too.
Team B? The handsome forty-somethings with laugh-lines.
As much fun as we had joking about this on the cruise, I implemented it when we got back. The Team concept has been the best thing I’ve done since I started dating. It helps keep things in perspective.
There isn’t enough attachment to the Team A players for hurt feelings when they don’t call. In spite of that, they do a great job of keeping you busy and occupied until a Team B player shows up!
They also help keep you busy when the Team B fella shows up. Which, apparently, makes you even more desired by the Team B guy. I have it on pretty good authority that men want the unattainable. The best way to seem like a busy challenge is to be a busy challenge! Team A guys are great at keeping you busy.
I’ve moved a few potential Team B players to Team A. Like major league players shifted down to the minor leagues. Most Team A players do not have the option of getting bumped up to Team B, just like most minor leaguers never make it to the majors.
Nature Boy could have been the exception to that rule. Which makes sense, since he was the exception to all my other rules, too.
Question: What is your best dating tip? How did it help?